EXCERPT FROM THE CLUB WEST MEMBER HANDBOOK, 3rd EDITION
Chapter VI: On the Matter of The Hour of Sponge
Each Thursday at precisely 5:17 p.m., Club West enters what is known as The Hour of Sponge. All members, regardless of rank or sobriety, are required to perform a moment of contemplative stillness while holding a moist, room-temperature sponge in their left hand.
This tradition, first instituted by Acting Sub-Commodore Felix "The Stain" DuPres in 1949, symbolizes the absorbent spirit of the Club—always taking in, never wringing out. During this time, the phonograph plays Side B of Coastal Echoes for Stunted Men, a little-known LP recorded by the Croatian surf ensemble Žlutý Anorak (Yellow Raincoat). Members may hum along but must remain seated unless possessed.
Common Violations Include:
- Improper sponge texture (too dry, too wet, or suspiciously fragrant)
- Humming in a dominant key
- Attempting to multitask
- Sponge slapping (an expellable offense)
Note: No member has ever completed a full Hour of Sponge without eventually losing the thread and wandering out to the carport to stare into the woods. This is expected.