CLUB WEST INCIDENT REPORT #442-C
The Gingham Accord of 1973
Official Documentation
Filed: April 12, 1973
Presiding Officer: Lanyard J. Speckle, Esq. (Acting Vest Steward)
Witnesses: 14 sober, 2 mistaken, 1 raccoon (deceased)
The Incident
At approximately 8:42 p.m. during what had been a relatively smooth installment of Fondue and Admissions, a disagreement arose regarding the acceptable girth of gingham. Member Charles "Chucklebutt" Wetherley arrived wearing what was, by all accounts, an "aggressively large" gingham blazer. When confronted, he maintained it was "within regulation weave."
Tempers flared. Elder member Crispin Delvine allegedly slapped a cheese skewer from Wetherley's hand, causing it to lodge in the ceiling's historical asbestos relief. The room was cleared. A ruling was demanded.
The Ruling
After a brief deliberation (and the ceremonial overturning of the chestnut barrel), a consensus was reached:
"Henceforth, gingham worn within Club West shall not exceed a grid width of ⅜ inch. Any pattern larger shall be considered a tablecloth and treated accordingly."
Note: Chucklebutt was asked to turn his blazer into napkins and was awarded an honorary sash for "Tactful Recovery Under Questionable Thread."
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